A Poem About Summer Being Terrible, By Andy / by Newcastle Discovered

A Poem About Summer Being Terrible

lukewarm beer


I know I’ve used this idea before,

But as you can see I give zero fucks.

So please put down your lukewarm beer

And let me again tell you why summer sucks.


Now I don’t want to always seem cynical,

Although I seem to complain all the time,

So to make myself seem a bit chipper,

I’ve decided to make these complaints rhyme.


sharks sun

Apart from summer’s obvious faults,

Like the snakes and the sharks and the sun,

I’ll try and remind you of the other things

That will be sure to ruin all of your fun.


I might start by indulging myself

and revisit my hatred of Coke;

Have you tried the new one with coffee?

I’d rather drink toilet-flavoured Oak.


And I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon,

That causes me to feign being polite,

Why does every pool in Newcastle

Belong to someone I don’t like?


Three seasons of the year I avoid them

Tolerating the unfunny memes they may send.

But as soon as the temperature hits 30,

They are suddenly my long-lost best friend.


And let’s not forget global warming!

A fact we forget until summer.

We are happy being blissfully ignorant

Until it becomes a personal bummer.


And then the temperature rises,

But Al Gore’s films still bore us?

‘The Earth will be fine till I’m dead,

Let the future generations fix it for us!’


There is one saving grace though,

A solution to all of your worries:

As I drove past Broadmeadow Macca’s today,

I saw they’re doing $2 McFlurries!


So maybe summer isn’t so bad?

I guess there’s still surfing and beer!

Just don’t forget to slip, slop, slap,

And I’ll be back to complain more next year!

Slip Slop Slap